The 4 Lies Women Entrepreneurs Tell Themselves About Rest

(And What Pneumonia Taught Me About Rest)

Photo by Kristen Wook, Unsplash

It took laryngitis, a lung infection, and finally pneumonia, along with a very real conversation about the possibility of hospitalization, for me to finally accept that perhaps I needed to stop working and actually rest. And the ridiculous part is that I know better.

I spend a good portion of my time helping women business owners build businesses that work for them, rather than businesses that require them to be available every waking moment. We talk about systems, delegation, capacity, and making decisions that support the business and the person running it. Not to mention the years in natural health where I absorbed everything I could so I could excel at my job.

But there I was, doing a spectacular job of ignoring my own advice.

Over the last few weeks, I've had plenty of time to think about how this all happened, partly because I've spent more time on my couch than I would ever willingly choose, and partly because when you're forced to stop doing things, you start noticing the stories you've been telling yourself about why you couldn't stop in the first place.

And I realized there were four lies I kept telling myself, ones I suspect a lot of other women entrepreneurs will recognize.

It all started after a rock concert. I lost my voice, which I initially chalked up to singing along a little too enthusiastically. That seemed reasonable enough, and frankly, it wouldn't have been the first time.

Except my voice wasn't coming back, and eventually I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with laryngitis. Okay, fine. Irritating, but I could work around that. I cancelled the meetings where I needed to talk, made some adjustments to my schedule, and continued working on everything else. After all, I wasn't bedridden, and there were still things that needed to get done.

The coughing continued, though, and the following week I was back at the doctor's office, this time being told I had a lung infection and needed antibiotics.

That should probably have been the point where I cleared my calendar and committed to getting better. Instead, I slowed down a bit more-ish.

I cancelled some things, kept others, and convinced myself that because I was on antibiotics, I was on the mend. I attended several Meet the Candidates event for the upcoming election. It was something that mattered to me personally and from a community perspective. Getting to know the only school trustee who showed up to the event was important for a multiple of reasons.

And then, because apparently I hadn't learned anything yet, I went back to FlexSpace after being away for several weeks. I missed the people, I missed the routine, and I wanted to feel like I was getting back to normal.

The next day, I was back at the doctor.

This time, the diagnosis was pneumonia, and the conversation was no longer about whether I could fit a few meetings into my schedule. There was a very real possibility that if things continued in the direction they were going, I could end up in the hospital.

Well, that got my attention.

I cancelled about 95% of my work and meetings. I asked and accepted help with getting my son to and from school. I stopped trying to keep up with the housework, and I spent a rather unreasonable amount of time on the couch. For someone who is used to juggling a business, a family, community commitments, and whatever else happens to land on the calendar, it was an adjustment.

But what surprised me most wasn't how difficult it was to physically slow down. It was how much I had to argue with myself mentally to allow it.

Lie #1: Only I Can Do It

This is one I hear from business owners all the time, and it's one I've caught myself saying more than I'd like to admit.

Sometimes it's because we're the only person who knows how something works. Sometimes it's because we know exactly how we want something done, and explaining it to someone else feels like it would take longer than just doing it ourselves. And sometimes, if we're being fair, it's because we've spent years being the person everyone relies on, and we've gotten rather good at it.

There is nothing wrong with being capable, knowing your business inside and out, or taking pride in the work you do. The question is what happens when you're the only person who can keep things moving. Because when everything depends on you being available, there is a limit to how much your business can grow without taking more and more from you.

This is something I talk about with clients regularly. Systems, processes, documentation, and delegation aren't just things we put in place when we're ready to hire a team or scale our business. They're also what allow us to take a vacation, spend time with our families, or, as I have recently discovered, get sick without feeling like the entire business has to stop.

And no, that doesn't mean every solopreneur needs a full team or a complicated operations manual. It means starting to recognize which things genuinely require your expertise and which things could be documented, simplified, automated, or handed to someone else.

I had to look at my own workload and make those decisions very quickly, because suddenly I didn't have the energy to do everything myself.

It was a reminder that being the person who can do everything doesn't mean you should be the person doing everything.

Lie #2: I'm Fine. I'm on Antibiotics.

I genuinely believed that because I'd been to the doctor, received a diagnosis, and started taking medication, I was doing what I needed to do to get better. Technically, I was doing part of it, but what I wasn't doing was resting.

I was still checking emails, thinking about client projects, attending things that mattered to me, and deciding which commitments I could probably manage if I just took it a little easier.

I had confused treatment with recovery, as though taking antibiotics meant I could continue with a slightly modified version of my regular schedule and everything would sort itself out.

Unfortunately, my body had other plans.

And here's something I find interesting. According to Statistics Canada's 2023 self-employment survey, 12.4% of self-employed women cited better work-life balance, less stress, or health-related reasons as their primary motivation for becoming self-employed, compared with 8.9% of men.

Think about that for a moment. Some of us build businesses because we want more control over our time, more flexibility, and the ability to make decisions that support our lives. Yet when our health asks us to use that flexibility, we can become remarkably good at finding reasons why now isn't a convenient time.

Add in the fact that I'm also navigating perimenopause, and I'm becoming increasingly aware that I can't keep expecting my body to operate exactly as it did ten or fifteen years ago. That doesn't mean I'm suddenly incapable of doing the things I want to do. It means I need to pay attention to what my body is telling me and make decisions accordingly.

There is a difference between slowing down and giving yourself the rest you actually need, and I learned that difference the hard way.

Lie #3: Everything Will Fall Apart Without Me

This one goes beyond the business. As women, many of us are managing far more than what's written on our work calendars. We're coordinating school schedules, remembering appointments, keeping track of what needs to happen around the house, making sure everyone has what they need, and carrying around a rather impressive mental list of things that nobody else necessarily knows exists.

And when you're also running a business, those responsibilities don't magically disappear when you close your laptop.

For me, one of the hardest things about being sick was accepting that I couldn't do the things I would normally do for my family. I needed help with school drop-offs and pickups. I wasn't keeping up with the house at all (cue the horrified gasps). My husband was taking on more, and I had to accept that some things were simply going to happen differently for a while.

And you know what? People stepped up. Things got done. Some things waited. Some things probably didn't happen the way I would have done them, and the world continued turning.

It made me think about how often we tell ourselves that we're the only ones who can manage certain responsibilities, when perhaps we've just become so accustomed to managing them that we haven't given anyone else much opportunity to step in. That applies to our businesses just as much as it does to our homes.

When we allow other people to help, we're not suddenly less capable, less committed, or less valuable. We're recognizing that we don't have to carry every responsibility ourselves.

And perhaps the bigger question isn't whether everything will fall apart without us, but whether we've given ourselves and the people around us enough room to find out that it won't.

Lie #4: I Should Be Doing Something. I Feel Guilty Just Sitting Here.

Of all four lies, this has probably been the hardest one for me, and almost every woman I ever met. Because even after cancelling almost everything, even after accepting help, and even after being told how serious things could become, I still found myself sitting on the couch thinking about what I should be doing.

I should be answering that email.

I should be getting ahead on that project.

I should be doing something around the house.

I should be helping my husband more.

I should be doing something other than sitting here.

And there it was, that familiar guilt that seems to show up whenever we're not being productive. I don't think this is unique to entrepreneurs, but I do think running your own business can make it particularly difficult to switch off, especially when you know that every hour you're not working is an hour you could have spent moving something forward.

There's also the guilt of watching someone else take on more than usual, even when they're doing it willingly and because they care about you. I found that especially difficult.

I'm used to contributing, organizing, managing, and helping. I'm used to being able to do things for my family, my clients, and my community, and suddenly I wasn't able to contribute in the ways I normally would.

But here's what I've had to keep reminding myself. Right now, resting is my contribution.

Resting means giving myself the best opportunity to recover properly, rather than stretching this illness out because I couldn't leave things alone. Resting means being able to get back to my family, my clients, and the things I care about when I'm actually well enough to be there. And resting means recognizing that the people who rely on me are better served by me taking the time to recover than by me trying to prove I can still manage everything while I'm sick.

There is also something to be said about the shoulda, woulda, couldas. They have no place in our vocabulary or mindset.

The Part We Don't Talk About Enough

One of the things this experience has reinforced for me is that we need to have more conversations about what it actually means to build a sustainable business. We talk a lot about growth, revenue, goals, marketing, and finding the right clients, and those are all important conversations. But I think we also need to talk about what happens when life doesn't cooperate with the plan.

What happens when you get sick? When your child needs you? When a family member needs support? When you need a break, not because you've reached some particular milestone or earned a vacation, but simply because you're a human being who needs one?

For women entrepreneurs, especially those of us balancing businesses with families, community involvement, and everything else that makes up our lives, those aren't hypothetical situations. They're part of life.

I don't believe the answer is to become so efficient that we can somehow squeeze even more into every available hour. The opportunity is to build businesses that have enough structure, flexibility, and support that we can make room for the lives we're actually living.

That might mean documenting a process you've been keeping in your head, bringing in help for a few hours a month, setting clearer expectations with clients, or simply being more realistic about how much you can take on. It might also mean recognizing when something matters enough to say yes to, and when taking care of yourself matters enough to say no.

I'm still working on that last one. Clearly.

I'd love to tell you that after this experience, I'm suddenly going to be brilliant at resting, setting boundaries, and following every piece of advice I give my clients. But I suspect we both know that's not how this works.

What I can say is that I've had a pretty significant reminder that being committed to your business doesn't require you to sacrifice your health, and being there for the people you care about sometimes means allowing them to be there for you. I've also been reminded that the systems and support we put in place aren't just about making our businesses more profitable or productive.

They're about giving ourselves options. Options to grow. Options to step away. Options to be present for the people and experiences that matter to us, and options to take care of ourselves when we need to.

I'm not quite back to normal yet, and for once, I'm trying not to rush that process. There are still things I'd like to be doing, projects I would like to return to, and people I'd like to see, but I'm slowly accepting that they'll be there when I'm ready. In the meantime, I'll be over here on the couch, working, but at a much slower pace and in a hoodie I stole from hubs.

If any of these four lies sound familiar, perhaps it's worth asking yourself a question before you're forced to answer it the way I was: If you needed to step away from your business tomorrow, what would you want to have in place to make that possible?

That's a conversation I have with women business owners all the time, and one I'm looking at through a slightly different lens these days.

If you'd like to explore how to build more flexibility into your business through better systems, clearer priorities, or a little more support, I'd love to have that conversation with you. Book a strategy call with me.